Despite the best strategy, planning and execution, work and life falls apart sometimes, and leaders are often ill-prepared to deal with derailment.   Recently I encountered a life changing event, and learned that the practice of self-compassion is the key to thriving during hard times.   Here’s the steps I recommend you take when life takes a hard turn:

Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. Whether it stems from a missed opportunity, a failed expectation, or an unforeseen setback, it can leave us feeling disheartened and frustrated. However, disappointment can also present an opportunity for personal growth and resilience.

Allow yourself to feel:
When faced with disappointment, it’s important to acknowledge and embrace your emotions. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. I had to give myself permission to experience these emotions fully. Suppressing or denying my feelings can prolong the healing process. I had to allow myself the space and time to process my disappointment. I call this surrender and acceptance.

Practice self-compassion:
During moments of disappointment, it was crucial to be kind and compassionate toward myself. I did everything I could to avoid self-blame and negative self-talk. I had to remind me several times that disappointment is a part of life and doesn’t define my worth or capabilities. I decided to treat myself with the same empathy by trusting that I deserved the same kindness and understanding I would offer a friend going through a similar situation.

Reframe your perspective:
Shift your perspective by reframing the situation. I had to look for the lessons and opportunities for growth hidden within the disappointment. I continued to ask myself, “What can I learn from this experience?” and “How can I use this setback as a steppingstone to success?” Reframing disappointment as an opportunity for growth helped me find new paths forward.

Set realistic expectations:
Unrealistic expectations often lead to disappointment. I reflect on whether my expectations were reasonable given the circumstances. If necessary, I had to adjust my expectations to align with reality. By setting realistic goals and expectations I found, I was increasing the likelihood of achieving my goals and would reduce the likelihood of further disappointment. I am currently reading a book where the first chapter’s theme was concentrated on just one thing to achieve success.  “Focus on 1 item.” Me, being a juggler and multitasker at first, I found this difficult, now I am starting to get the hand of it and I am becoming much happier.

Seek support:
I didn’t face the disappointment alone. I had to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mentors who offered support, guidance, and a listening ear. By sharing my feelings with other’s provided me emotional support but also gave me a fresh perspective and insights that helped me navigate the situation. About 10 years ago I realized I needed to create a board of directors for Steven.  I had to deal with my own fear of blind faith and build the skill of listening to others’ opinions.  Today I am realizing this was one of the best decisions I made, it really helps when going through turbulent times. 

Learn from setbacks:
Disappointment is an excellent teacher. By me taking the time to reflect on what went wrong and why. I can analyze my actions, decisions, and the external factors that contributed to the outcome. It also gave me the ability to analyze what I could have done in advance to avoid the situation going forward.  Einstein said, “Insanity is going through the same situation over and over and expecting different results”. By using this self-reflection as an opportunity to identify areas for my own self- improvement I was able to devise a plan to avoid similar disappointments in the future. I call this a learning mindset and honest self-evaluation.

Focus on the present and future:
While disappointment may be rooted in the past, I realized that dwelling on it would hinder my progress. Instead, I shifted my focus to the present and future. I identified new goals and aspirations that inspire me. I channeled my energy to pursuing fresh opportunities and taking proactive steps toward my desired outcomes. In my case I have tripled the sales volume on my eBay store, (and I do not have to work 70 hours a week to make this all work).

Practice resilience:
Resilience is my ability to bounce back from adversity. Cultivate resilience by viewing disappointment as a temporary setback rather than a permanent defeat. I embraced my growth mindset and I do believe in my ability to overcome challenges. I drew strength from previous instances where I’ve overcome disappointment and reminded myself of my persistence and never give up attitude.  My mom used to tell me I was like a cat, no matter what ever happened to me, I always landed on my feet. 

My Conclusion:
Dealing with personal disappointment constructively is an essential life skill that helps me navigate setbacks and achieve personal growth. By allowing myself to feel, practicing self-compassion, reframing my perspective, setting realistic expectations, seeking support, learning from setbacks, and focusing on the present and future, I transformed disappointment into an opportunity for positive change. The most important theme I had to remember, disappointment, doesn’t define me; how I responded to it does. I have learned to embrace the challenges, learn from them, and keep moving forward with resilience and determination.